When my oldest son was little, he started soccer camp. He really wanted to. No sooner said than done. We signed him up, and every Sunday, 50 to 70 six-year-olds would gather to play soccer.
The first two times, he got to try it out before we had to pay the membership fee. After the second practice, I asked him if he was having fun and if he wanted to keep going. Yes, he did. We paid.
He didn't want to go next Sunday.
It wasn't entirely clear why, but big tears were rolling down her cheeks.
At that very moment, I had just finished reading Angela Duckworth’s book *Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance*. Among other things, Duckworth describes a rule she had in her own family: once you’ve chosen to commit to something, you must n’t give up as soon as it gets tough. The children were also expected to take on something that was difficult and required practice.
This actually fit our situation almost suspiciously well.
Soccer was definitely outside my son's comfort zone. And he wasn't allowed to quit.
The big tears eventually gave way to much bigger outbursts—complete with shouting and cursing—Sunday after Sunday. But he was determined to go to the soccer game.
But what is grit?
Duckworth describes grit as a combination of passion and perseverance. It’s about sticking to a long-term goal even when things get difficult, boring, or challenging.
Talent certainly plays a role. But a central idea in Duckworth’s argument is that talent alone is not enough. She describes it something like this:
Talent × effort = skill
Skill × effort = performance
So the effort is counted twice.
This also means that we can hardly devote the same amount of effort to an endless number of things. If we want to become truly good at something, we need to make choices and keep at it even after the initial enthusiasm has faded.
And perhaps that's where the question gets interesting. When is perseverance a strength, and when is it actually wiser to give up?
The soccer season finally came to an end. Thank goodness! I asked my son if he wanted to continue next semester.
NO.
So much for my practical application of grit.
And I continue on my journey as a parent—with a certain amount of perseverance.
